Wednesday, November 23, 2011

*Beverly Diehl's Writing in Flow*: Who's Your Favorite McCaffrey Heroine? Gone Ahea...

*Beverly Diehl's Writing in Flow*: Who's Your Favorite McCaffrey Heroine? Gone Ahea...: Image by Theen ... via Flickr Did you cry, when you heard? I cried. Which surprised me. Although Anne McCaffrey has long been one of m...

Monday, November 21, 2011

Authentically "Not Looking"

So, I have a complete and overwhelming lack of a desire to date. This lack of interest has been with me since I was the age most people start thinking about dating. (My teen years were particularly worrisome to my parents. I played Dungeons and Dragons, cared very little for my physical appearance and had absolutely no interest in boys. This apparently meant that I was a lesbian. Or a Satanist.) This is not to say however, that I never dated. I have dated and had even been in a few relationships. They all ended badly for either myself or the guy I was seeing. 

Recently I saw a post on "dating disasters," and I made the comment that due to being disaster prone, I had been "not looking" for years. What I failed to realize about the blog post at first was that it was intended to be a dating advice post. The kind of "not looking" that the poster was talking about was the kind of  "not looking" where you give up and just decide to have fun and not worrying about bagging a spouse. 

When I say "not looking" I mean I am not looking, not "I am arranging a romantic ambuscade." (Which appears to the the alternate definition of "not looking") I did not point this out when I received a list of acceptable hunting grounds for finding potential mates, because I had finally realized that the topic was not what I thought it was about. (Complaining about my communication failures is one thing, causing one by trying to explain my deep lack of interest in dating is another.) 

Some random fun facts: 
  • I generally do not notice when someone is flirting with me. 
  • When I do notice, I immediately become uncomfortable with the person flirting at me. 
  • When someone accuses me of flirting I tend to become horribly embarrassed and self-conscious. This is because I was not in fact "flirting."  
  • I deeply confused at least one person fishing for my orientation (that I know of) and have possibly confused others. (The person in question later confessed they'd been trying to find out if I was gay, straight, or bi.)
  • The second most comfortable and easy relationship I was in would have gone a lot better if I hadn't shot myself in the foot.
  • The first most comfortable and easy relationship I was in would have actually happened if the other person had actually SAID something.  

Monday, November 14, 2011

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Approaching the Finish Line

I'm going to be graduating very soon now, and I'm kind of scared out of my mind. This will have been my third or fourth attempt at going to school, and I'm kind of amazed I'm actually near the end. My previous attempts at going to school had been very difficult for me for a variety of reasons, either because of personal problems (okay, mostly personal problems) or for financial reasons.

I started taking classes back in 2009, shortly after having been laid off due to lack of work. I was not getting many interviews, and the ones I did get weren't resulting in call backs or job offers. I had wanted for some time to get a better idea of how to design websites and make photo-manipulations, so I decided to go to school and entered the Web Graphic Design program at DeVry. I can't swear that I remember everything I learned, but I did learn a lot, and got good grades. On the other hand, the school situation and my real-life situation was occasionally very stressful for me. (I did not and do not have a very steady source of income, and I have basically been living by the seat of my pants for the past two years.)

Basically, I'm still worried about the job market, and about making a living once I finally graduate. I'm worried that my skills might not be "good enough" because I just don't have the jargon/vocabulary to communicate my ideas. (I have a lot of trouble remembering simple terminology and also I'm still slightly afraid of CSS.) I'm worried that I won't be able to find a job that's well suited for me, I'm afraid of just about everything. 

(If you think this is a downer, try living it.) 

There are some things I am pretty happy about, however. (The happy is kind of mixed in with "frustrated as hell" and also, "kind of depressed about this.")

One of the things I decided to try doing back in 2009 was to try writing in at least a semi-professional basis. I created a book review/anime/manga blog and started trying to write. I also started writing articles for Associated Content. (Which is now Y!Contributor Network). I also did some writing for Demand Studios, but it doesn't look like they have any articles I can write anymore. I also set up my blog for Amazon Associates and for AdSense in hopes that I'd be able to earn money that way. So far, I haven't really managed to get much money, but I've also been working on school. More recently, I've started selling books on Amazon, but that doesn't seem to be panning out either (yet).

I think the basic point of this post, if this post has a point, is that you should keep going even if it seem like nothing is working. Sooner or later something has to improve. (For instance, I think my writing is really improving, and I'm happy I'm going to graduate. Now, if I could just write something that wasn't horrible navel gazing.) 


Saturday, November 12, 2011

In Which the Parentals Are a Wee Bit Hypocritical

This is a sequel of sorts to “Two Incidents Where I Traumatized My Family” or at least acompanion piece. 

So, I have always had an extreme interest in mythological/folkloric animals that goes along with my interest in folklore and mythology in general. In the 1980s I desperately wanted a series of TimeLife books called “Enchanted Worlds” Mythological animals, supernatural beings, wizards and witches, ancient legends, the series was pretty awesome. 

My parents did not approve because they were expensive and also apparently Satanic. (Despite the fact the entire series almost always ended each book with how wonderful and rational Christianity is, and how Christianity took away all the bad and horrible superstition.) I am not entirely sure what exactly made them think that the Enchanted Worlds series was Satanic. Granted, the commercials were a little spooky, but the art mostly featured fairies, ghosts, and knights slaying dragons. (My parents are not the only ones who thought this. I have a vague memory of my grade school teachers having a similar reaction when she saw me with books from the series, and I know that one or two of my friends thought the same.)  

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Random Update: I Hate the Ethics Textbook A Lot

I really need to try updating this blog more. I could go on a whinge about not having anything to write about, and finding the right "tone" and "topic" for the blog, but while true, this does not make for exciting reading so instead I will rant about the current class I'm taking. The name of the class is "Ethical and Legal Issues in the Professions," and it is basically a repeat of many of the things we learned in "Critical Thinking" and the Introduction to Business class and also Sociology. I hate it not because of the class itself, but because of the textbook.

The textbook is pretty much horrible. Thinking Critically About Ethical Issues 7th Ed by Vincent Ryan Ruggiero has some badly researched and mildly racist commentary, is occasionally homophobic and is full of moments where Vinny tries to push the reader into agreeing with him instead of actually explaining the subject. 

Friday, November 4, 2011

Dead Hearts

I recently discovered this song, and I have been playing it over and over again. It's sweet, nostalgic and a little spooky, and this video made me all misty eyed, which doesn't happen that often for music videos.